Daily Sketch

So Reddit has a community that does daily sketches. I decided I'm going to start participating just to flex the old brain and draw some things that I normally would never attempt to draw. One thing that I don't like about painting is that I tend to get into phases where I only want to paint certain things. Its great in that I expand and explore themes very thoroughly but its bad because I don't seem to see outside the themes that I'm exploring.

I've also been trying to paint more representational work in order to provide a balance to all the abstract work I do these days. I don't like the idea of losing skills due to neglect.

Also got out all my old anatomy books and have been trying to force myself to draw people for a half hour a day to get better with form and proportions. I feel like I learned a lot in college and then just sorta sat on it for the last decade instead of developing what I knew.... So my figures have suffered as a result and I'm going to fix that.

So all that being said, these are the posts I did yesterday and today. Otters and Vertical were the words of the day. I'm going to try and post these every day just so I can get back in the habit of writing on the blog. Plus I think it will be interesting to see improvement over time and this is an easy way to record my progress provided I'm diligent in keeping up with the sketches and posting them.

End transmission!

This is it, don't get scared now!

My brother and I find ourselves quoting Home Alone far too often for adult males... Yet somehow this quote seems oddly relavent. I just participated in an art walk having quite a few of my paintings up. Its the first time for me and feels like a pretty huge milestone. Finally putting work out for public consumption.

Now comes the process of fighting every internal instinct to withdraw myself to safety. I tend to seek refuge in times of stress and the last few days have been full of it. I'm trying to focus on the next task at hand. The Alley Art show. 

This Friday, more art, more exposure, more stress and more pressure... I'm nearly finished with my pin and know a few hours a day this week will get me where I want to be... So, breath deep, focus on what lies ahead. This really feels like its the beginning. All the work up until now has been to get me to this point...

And here I am... This is it, don't get scared now ; )

Patience is a Virtue

Building my website has not been easy... nor has getting an art career off the ground when you've got ZERO name recognition. I have the support of friends and family and I tell myself that is all I need but there is an intense pressure building in my head. I feel behind on everything... I'm still not even sure what this is going to be and writing a post like this seems a little foolish. I guess I just need to write right now to make sure I'm still building on this idea and not letting it fade into the noise that seems to be clouding my thoughts lately.

I got some work up in Stage 3, its the first time my work has been in a public place and instead of being a relief, I find it nerve wracking... I don't know why... I am supposed to be working on another project for a show in May and another in June. I feel so distracted... My aunts just left town and while it was great to see them and have them around it is difficult being displaced and productive at the same time... 

So time keeps on slipping and I'm feeling more neurotic by the second. I need to get some pictures framed by tomorrow. I think the ones I want to frame are finally ready, I spent all last week finishing them up and I want to get them framed so I have something for the local gallery. 

After I've got those framed and ready to go I'm going to start work on the first of what I hope are many childrens books... well, just regular books packaged for children haha. Gene is writing and I will illustrate. I am really excited cause the stories he has a good and I think I will do them justice. 

I have 3 oil paintings I need to finish by the end of the month. Why? Cause I just need to haha. I want to make sure I'm free to work on the upcoming projects. I don't know why but I feel better writing this... Sometimes I think I forget to be patient with myself.

How did we get here...?

This is what is starting to happen to my cities... They're falling apart... I need to finish this painting. I got frames the other day so I need to stop skiing and get back to work. I get so scatter brained when it comes to art. I'll be working and get an idea and suddenly I'm starting a new painting so I can really get into the idea and I never seem to go back... its always this forward drive to something... I don't even know what I'm trying to do anymore. I built this huge canvas the other day, too big to even get into my car... I mean what the fuck was I thinking?

I just... I can't seem to stop following this fucking idea. I started doing a portrait in blocks the other day. Its fucking weird as hell and yet I love it. I am going to do the same thing in oils soon and I think its going to be weird as hell but I'm excited about it. There is this weird flow that I get into where ideas just stack upon each other and I don't know...

The pictures just seem to be getting weirder and weirder... My brother and I were looking at an oil painting I have been working on and we realized that I'm working towards minimalism or something... Its really weird... The cities are going to start disappearing completely I'm afraid... Maybe thats a good thing... I guess I just enjoyed them but I can see why my art is moving into a new direction.

I honestly never thought I'd be an abstract painter... Its really weird being excited about things that most people probably never think about in their lives. I mean how many people are in search of the perfect color, or the right shapes or perspectives? How many people worry about making something look too clean? Or how many people build something up and then get excited about fucking it all up just to see what happens? I keep staring at this oil painting I'm working on because I have to go back into it and redo a bunch of it. I don't know why but I'd almost rather just paint over the entire thing... I know I need to stick with it... its really close to being done and I think it will be pretty fantastic when its finished. It has some really great parts... I think if I get the depth right on the parts that are bugging me it will be a really great painting.

SF Moma

I've been keeping this brochure on my desk from my trip to SF MOMA in feb; a reminder that I wanted to write some thoughts down about the trip. It was one of those trips that felt important, like I reaffirmed my life mission to make art. There was a retrospective on Francesca Woodman who I had not heard of previously and its a shame cause she has an amazing collection of photographs. She killed herself when she was 23 and it was one of those weird moments where you're looking at all these intimate self portraits and just wondering what it is about our society that makes life so uncomfortable for some of us...

There was another photography retrospective for a Dutch photographer, Rineke Dijkstra who honestly has created some of the most amazing portraits I've ever seen. Most of the portraits are focused on teens and you can just see the awkwardness in each of them. Its this weird juxtiposition showing how all of us experience these fragile times where we feel insecure and strange and out of place... So again it makes you wonder why there are some of us who can't take it...

Rineke also did several series of people over time. There is one of a boy entering the armed forces... I think it was the French Legion or something like that.. but you see a change in him... its... I don't know how to describe it, but suddenly he is changed and you just know he saw or experienced something that stole his innocence. Its gone after that and every photo reflects it... It was really quite incredible.

I got to see an exhibit by Mark Bradford who is doing these massive collages, arranging pieces of advertising and billboards, all sorts of found paper and he cuts them into squares and rectangles and arranges them in patterns that honestly to me look like a city from a birds eye view. I felt an instant kinship haha. His paintings are massive too. There is something wonderful in being completely absorbed in a painting. Its like being transported to another world.

I guess I kinda miss the city when I think about museums...

Further into the Abstraction

I was building up another of these city abstractions when I started to realize that I was restraining myself a bit... There is this base that I keep building off of... a safe point. That element that feels like a city was always in place and its still in this one but as I worked my way across the page I started to realize that I could focus on the shapes and give up that basic city structure. Push the concept of the persepective and trying to create depth rather than having this basic formula to follow.

I think more and more this is heading towards a pure spacial experiment... Nothing but shapes, no buildings... Just a hint of them... thats all it really needs at this point. I think the abstraction itself becomes stronger the more I push away from this basic city structure. I still need to work on this one but I like some of what is happening. I like the spacial relationships. I like the way the colors are working with each other, I still need to work into it a bit more to give it a richer feeling but its definitely going in the right direction.

Point is, this image pushed the idea in a way I never foresaw and its pretty exciting.

Lost...

I don't know how time goes so fast but its been over a month since I wrote anything... Its difficult trying to put my thoughts down on a daily basis but I'm trying hard to continue this exercise as it helps me understand my art better and where I would like it to go...

Above is a complete or near complete version of Construction Deconstruction. I'm not particularly happy with it. I learned a lot but it feels... off... Maybe with a frame it will all pull together but as it is there is something lacking to me... Maybe I'm just sick of water colors...

What I do like about this painting is that it triggered an idea in my head to let go of the city. To become lost in the abstraction and release this desire to imitate something familiar and safe. I love the concept of the city but as I delve further into its abstraction I'm finding something more appealing.

Letting go of the old structure I've allowed myself to step into the space in a more dramatic way. To arrange forms in a way that has no rules or boundaries. Why talk about abstracting the city if I never step away from the basic structure of a city.

So this is what it is and I'm not sure its much... but its a step away from where I was and another step towards where I want to go. I feel lost.

Construction, De-Construction

It is so interesting to me how things can be broken if pushed too far... Not just people, or things but ideas as well... I've been playing with this two point perspective for a little while now and already I feel like I am coming to a point where I'm breaking it. Destroying how its meant to be used for the sake of abstraction and I love it. Its making me a little crazy but there is something very interesting in the destruction of a principle.

I find it amazing how something like this can inspire so much creation. I know what I want to make after this and after the next and the next several times over. I have been onto something for quite some time and I love knowing that this journey has much more to uncover.

The other night I was suddenly alert at an absurd hour and figured out a problem I've been thinking over for many months now. Seeing the problem in a new perspective helped me figure it out though.. More insanity to come.... God I wish I could impress upon others the excitement I feel in this moment...

Breaking Point

I started another city abstraction last night and think it might end up breaking my brain. Too much going on... I think for sure I'm going to break this concept and I'm kindof excited but its a lot of work keeping everything straight. When I started it I wanted to do it without erasing any of my guidelines but that quickly proved to be impossible. Just way too chaotic and messy. Perhaps I'll be able to tackle that idea at a later time but for right now I can't handle the chaos. Its just too much...

It is really interesting where the project is headed, I need to take a picture before I paint it. I'm not sure if I should paint it, I'm slightly worried... I guess I get that way when I invest so much time into the ink portion of a painting. I have to remind myself that destruction is creation and I should revel in the process. I guess we get attached to the think we make.

One good thing about this is that I've realized a way to incorporate this chaos onto the older style abstractions. I kept trying to do it before but for some reason I couldn't seem to wrap my brain around it until I understood it in 3 dimensions. Now it seems to make more sense so I'll try to work on some new flat city abstractions later this week.

I am excited to see what happens. Its strange trying to break an idea. The two point perspective does not work well with what I'm doing and I think it makes the picture all the more interesting. It provides a level of abstraction that I never counted on which just makes the whole project more fun for me.

Chaos in two point perspective

Trying to push the two point perspective city concept. Pretty chaotic. I am thinking of doing a digital version and adding a ridiculous number of windows to the buildings just to see how far it can be pushed before it breaks completely. I wonder if the windows would interact in a way that starts to build up something completely different. Maybe I need to try and do a vertically aligned image with this idea to see how the windows start to layer near the top. I think this is where the idea needs to go next. It reminds me of a concept I was thinking about previously but never really accomplished the way I was hoping it would turn out. Perhaps I kept doing things too similar to one another instead of pushing the idea harder. Its just that once I get into a particular rhythm its very hard to change gears. Speaking of changing gears I really need to get some more paintings framed. For now I guess I need to get myself working on a vertically aligned city so I can see what happens with these layers and layers of windows.

Perspective Shift

This is the first in what I am guessing will be a new obsession for me... I'm not sure why I never thought to do two or three point perspective drawings for my cities until now but I love the results that I am getting so far. This one feels finished. I like the subtle color. Blue and Orange has been one of my favorite color compositions for a long time now. Something so natural and soothing about it. Reminds me of walking in the city at night, the orange lights against the dark blue of the night sky.  Maybe I should try to capture that feeling...

What I really like about the perspective drawings is how I'm able to get a layering of windows that adds a new level of depth and rhythm to what I was doing before. I had been playing with the layering in my previous efforts but this adds so much to it. I will do several more of these before I start on some three point perspective drawings.

I think after I experiment with three point a bit and finish a few more of these two point I'm going to try mixing all three of these ideas into some fucked up bastardization. That to me has exciting implications. Playing with different perspectives, almost like playing with other realities... Very exciting stuff...

Experiments

I have been doing more experimenting lately. Playing with ink and water and seeing what happens when you let go a little more... Its like trying to control the chaos. This idea started when I was re-inking one of the abstract cities and I noticed there was a vibration to the way the lines interacted. The faded line against the newly inked one... So I decided to push the idea and these are the results. I like the second one in particular though they both have that richness I love about ink. I think the rhythm of the second one is more pleasing as well.

I want to do another one but reversing the way I did the inking, so more wild lines in the buildings up close and more sedate muted lines for the buildings in the distance. I am also thinking this idea might be interesting for the new 2 point perspective cities I've been starting on... I think it would just give them a more chaotic lived in feeling having that intense line work going on. The first one I did was more controlled in terms of line and shape while I played loose with the paint.

For the next one, I'm going to let it all get out of control and see what happens.

Diving into the Cities

I was reading a book on perspective drawing this morning and I've decided I will incorporate some of the principles into my next city paintings. I've been doing some experiments the last two days and have really loved the results. I will post them soon, they're currently drying awaiting another layer of ink.

I had an idea for doing a two point perspective city as well as several three point perspective drawings. Once I'd done a few I think I'm going to try and mix the perspectives and see what happens. After this I'll mix them with my flat cities and see what kind of chaos I can create.

I love the idea of laying everything out on a grid and having these weird layer interactions. I think it will be strange and wonderful. Maybe more people will respond to the new depth that comes with perspective. That is one thing that is difficult about doing the cities. It seems like only artists get really absorbed into the details of color interaction or shape and rhythm. Its hard to convey my love for those things but I hope some of it come across in my work.

I am definitely excited about the new perspective though, I think it will add a layer of complexity that I've been searching for the last few weeks. Add in the ink experiments and I think something great is about to happen.

I need to get the oils ready... My canvas still has not arrived... Maybe I need to make some calls... The weather is right, need to clean up the garage so I can start churning out some oil paintings.

Balance

These are two paintings I did last year for what I simply called the Balance series. I was trying to give a sense of balance in different ways, playing with the idea of what balance really is... Since practicing tai chi I've come to learn that balance is one of the most important ideas in this world. Good and Evil, Black and White, Order and Chaos, Love and Hate... all of these things exist in the world in a balance against one another. Without one or the other the balance is lost.

In these paintings I try to balance paint versus pen, order versus chaos. They're juxtaposed against each other and also complimentary of one another. Its a concept that I will try to revisit this year as I am not really ready to give up on it... I enjoy the process of making these paintings so much that I can't really stop. I've just been so side tracked with my cities lately.

Abstraction of the City #3021

Another abstraction of the city... I don't know how many of these are in me but they seem an infinite source of creative rhythm. I'm still not finished with this but its coming along nicely. Its different from the others and has given me another idea for a painting. I started this by drawing out many buildings than washing over them in water. Then re-inking the lines more carefully leaving this vibration almost that I will try to capture in the next one. I guess that means the next one will be black and white... or maybe I'll just do very subtle colors.... almost transparent so the vibration is obvious. Its an exciting accident that I will start working on today most likely... Unless I get pulled into this one too long...

Florence so far...

I wanted to upload what I've done so far on my Florence + the Machine painting. Still has much work left but its coming along. Watercolor is a strange medium. I really love it cause its brutally unforgiving but with that comes a depth that I don't really experience in other mediums... In oils you can manipulate the paint for days after its been put on canvas, acrylics you can just paint over pretty easily... Watercolor with its transparent nature records every mistake. So you just work through it, love the mistakes and just keep going knowing there is a history being recorded there. A history of creation... Its fantastic and frightening at the same time... Not sure when this one will be complete but I like the direction its going so far... And as always this has prompted some ideas for another... maybe I'll do a whole series of that shocking red hair...

First Impressions Fade Fast

I know first impressions are supposed to be everything but thats not how art is for an artist... at least thats not how it is for me... See, I genuinely love a lot of my work when I first create it. Those first impressions give me a sense of accomplishment. Like I've done something worth while... Its only over time that I learn to loathe the things I once loved and thats how this one is... It just doesn't work for me anymore... The colors are random and chaotic. Accidental almost... I mean sure they're bolder up front and fade in the distance but thats about all that makes sense in this picture...

Its large and I like that about it, but when you start to hate something you don't want it to be large and in your face, you want it to fade into obscurity. I keep thinking I might just destroy this one and work back into it... Maybe I should just leave it as lots of people seem to like it... I recently framed it and it looks nice but there is that nagging feeling whenever I see it... like I'm secretly embarrassing myself... like if anyone who knows anything about art looks at it they'll think I'm a fraud for passing this off as something beautiful.

Maybe I'm just having a bad day, feeling the crazy creep up into me. Florence is waiting in the living room to be finished and I'm worried I'm just going to fuck it all up haha. Thats what is so great, I keep telling people you can't fuck up, you just keep working through it and yet here I am paralyzed by a sense of doubt. I just have to keep working through it. Enjoy the process.

Failure

I'll be honest... this feels like a failed experiment. I wanted to do a portrait layout instead of the usual landscape and something about it just does not work for me... Almost like its too simple... There is an ok progression of depth but some part of me feels like I should have pushed it further. I suppose at some point I can always go back into it and fuck it up and build it back up. I do love that process of creative destruction. I wish that I could pin down what it is exactly that I don't like about this one but it eludes me... which is why I probably should work into it again at some point. Failure is part of the process though, I had a family friend tell me that one of his painter friends burns something like 30 or 40 canvases at the end of every year in this cathartic ritual of letting go of all the paintings she loathes.

I personally would rather just paint over the ones I hate... I like that process as much as anything and I guess thats why I hang on to pieces like this... There are lessons in this, I mean its got some good pattern and rhythm in parts, its just that as a whole it fails. I normally add the "windows" to look like they're integrated into the buildings in at least one part of the painting and in this one I did not follow that idea, so maybe thats part of what I don't like... I still think the idea could be successful though, its just not working on this particular one... I feel like its missing another layer or something... or maybe I need to do nothing but windows, layers upon layers of windows... thats something I've been mulling over, I'm just not sure how I want to set it up quite yet... or if pen is the right medium for it...

Florence + the Machine

I just started listening to her and I need to paint something about her... I have this weird vision of her and this crazy music machine. Menacing but she confronts it unafraid, that shocking red hair... This is why I've been struggling lately... I have not worked on anything representational or narrative like in a while... it feels uncomfortable... I don't like that feeling... I'm just going to have to sketch out a bunch of ideas and find the one I like best and just go for it. I think another problem is that I'm trying to work on the computer and lately I just find no joy in the digital world... I like paper and canvas and pens and paint. There is just something there that I can't seem to find when I paint on my computer... I think this is one of those times where you recognize that your body or mind or whatever already knows what to do and you struggle in vain to tell it how you assume it should be instead of just listening...

Sketch time

Abstract City

Pen and Ink version of one of my city abstractions. While I really like color, there is something I like even more about Pen and Ink... Maybe its just a comfort thing. I guess that is kinda strange when most people don't seem to like ink... It records all your mistakes, but that is what I really enjoy. I like working through the mistakes and trying to make all the ugliness part of the beauty. I mean thats really what life is all about isnt it? We're all covering up mistakes and working past them to shine a light that we would like to be... the way we would like to be seen... I'm not sure how well this actually captures the energy of the city... Its almost an overload. I did it just to see if I could. How far can you push an idea before it breaks?

I'm not sure I've broken this concept yet, I'm working on something new that will push it in another direction. I keep having this vision in my mind that I cannot seem to achieve... something very raw and worked over... See that to me is what I love about ink, you can get that depth and layered effect even after abusing the page repeatedly. Somehow it comes through to create this amazing depth that you don't really get from other mediums... I mean you do but in a different way... So I guess I'll just keep chasing the idea and maybe I'll get there and maybe I wont...

The Money Tree

Another piece I completed late last year. I call it the Money Tree. I would like to explore this concept more... I'm not sure if that means more money trees, or if the money will form other things, but I do love something about this image... I've been kicking around the idea of The Money Trail lately, so perhaps that will be the next in this series... I've also been contemplating doing one of my abstract cities in Dollar Bills to capture the same rhythm but in a different way showing how our society is built on money... but it can all be burnt to the ground... Maybe we should build our society on something more valuable like human capital... I don't know...

The Flow of Money

I finished this in November of 2011 as a response to what I've been seeing in this country over the last few years. We are becoming a more and more unequal society where those at the top grow more powerful and wealthy by the day while the rest of us struggle against one another in our slow burn into obscurity and chaos. While we work ourselves into the grave our money trickles up to those who have more than they know what to do with... They buy politicians, companies, countries, elections, and luxuries the rest of us can only dream of or imagine.

This is not a statement against those at the top, its merely an observation of what seems to be going on... The money keeps flowing to the top in greater and greater quantities. We are divided by religions and politics and other labels that seek to keep us fighting amongst ourselves while those in power grab even more. I feel its a reflection on our society and how we've come to value money over humanity.

Words like Socialism are vilified while even the most vile celebrities are admired and worshipped. It is a sad reflection of our values in this country. I hope this mentality will change over time as we begin to recognize that those we've admired and followed have only lead us down a path that enriches them at the expense of our own lives.

Here's to the New Year

2012 is here and I find myself excited. I have decided to refocus myself and this blog. I am going to make it a goal to post here on a daily basis. Sketches, new work, and ramblings. I want to get into the habit of putting my work down in a way that I can see my progress instead of just hoping I'm making some... I think it will encourage me if I see something building...

There are several series' that I've been contemplating over the last few years that I will complete this year. The first big one is the Art is Life is Art series. I've put this on the back burner for far too long and now its time to bring it to life.

I would like to work on more political art this year. We are living in exciting times, people are waking up to the realities of our situation and realizing that we need to change our priorities as a nation or risk fading into obscurity. I've been thinking of several paintings to capture some of these feelings and critique our current wealth and celebrity obsessions.

Last I would like to refocus on my tai chi and keep creating art that communicates some of its concepts and principles. It is something that has made my life infinitely better and I would like to share it with the world in the best way I know how.

I'm not sure if I need to be setting aside time for each of my projects or if its supposed to be an organic process where one thing leads to the next... I just know that in the past I seem to default towards whatever is interesting me at the moment and I think I should work harder to break away from that way of thinking and working. I want to have real goals that I set out to conquer instead of these lofty ambitions that just wait on the back burner in hopes that one day I'll stumble into them...

So the first step is here and its been taken. I will just keep walking, keeping my eyes on each destination. 2012 will be a fantastic year... it all starts here...